Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Plan B is the new Plan A
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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