I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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