Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
