you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
