I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
