She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
