TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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