is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
