Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
