once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
