Don't make out with my wife yet
barbara walters just said penis...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
