I didn't shave. On purpose
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
