youre lurking in front of me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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