There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
