There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
