I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
