Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
