Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
