She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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