two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
