Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
