Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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