If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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