After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
