If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
