you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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