Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
