I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
