the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
