Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
