you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
