Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
