i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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