is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
