I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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