Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
