last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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