I heard we made out
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
