Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
