I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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