no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
