when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
