next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
