I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Boobs are out for the taking
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
