Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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