i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
