I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
