Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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