He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
