Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
