More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
